#I've had pcos since i was in my teens

[kingofscoops]

UGH I HATE MY GP SURGERY SO FUCKING MUCH 😡😡😡

[terriblepersongreatseamonster]

(Please bear with me through this forthcoming ramble, because I've had all of 6 hours of sleep in the last two days and I'm a bit all over the place. Hopefully this will be coherent 😅)

I don't watch Bridgerton (that's a whole other post that I don't feel like typing out write now), but I've been fascinated by what I've seen on here from this newest season.

I turn 40 this year, and depending on your age you either think that's getting old or you think that I'm still relatively young. I bring this up, because what I'm seeing about Penelope and Colin is honestly something that I never thought I'd see.

Since I was twelve, I've dealt with weight issues. (At this point in my life, I know it's due to PCOS and some other health issues). I am barely 5'0" and typically fit into the 18/20 size clothes.

Being a teen in the late 90s/early 00s meant I didn't see people who looked like me get to be the romantic lead. Girls who looked like me were relegated to being the funny, supportive friend in the background. We got bullied and reminded that we weren't worthy of love or success because of our size. We went to school dances alone and sat on the bleachers while our friends slow-danced with their dates. We didn't get the love story, we got to watch someone else have the love story.

For such a long time I believed that my value as a person was tied to my weight. No matter what I did the weight wouldn't budge. Hell, I'm on Ozempic for my diabetes and I'm starting to think I'm the only person on the planet it doesn't cause weight loss for (it does however do a marvelous job of controlling my blood sugar, and at this point a healthy A1C is the thing that matters most).

I went on a few dates in my 20s with men who used my size as their reason to not continue dating (and yes, they all knew my size when they asked me out). When I started dating my husband, I went into it fully anticipating that no matter how much fun we might have he wouldn't be able to see past my size. I was wrong, and am so grateful for that.

It was only about 2 years ago that I started learning to see that I was far more than my weight. That whether I was my current size or managed to somehow be 100 lbs lighter, I'd still be the same person on the inside. I'd still have the same talents and skills, the same personality and humor. And while I've grown to see & love myself for who I am, it's still a day-by-day thing that I struggle with.

So, seeing this:

And this:

It hits me in a way that is hard to explain. I never thought I'd get to see something like this. Never thought I'd get to see someone my size and shape shown as beautiful and desirable.

Look at this woman, she is absolutely lovely:

I don't really know how to end this because now I'm crying. I guess my main point is that I feel seen and it's been an emotional rollercoaster.

And I may have to turn Netflix back on so I can see this season 😅

[chiriwritesstuff]

Meet Me at the Farmers Market! - 7. A Clean Slate

A Farmers Market! Joel AU x Confident! Plus Sized! F! Reader

Series Masterlist

Series Summary: What does a Contractor do in his spare time? Sell his wood carvings at the Saturday Farmers Market, of course! A Grumpy x Sunshine Joel Miller series collective of one-shots.

Chapter Rating: T

Word Count: 1380

Warnings: A whole lot of swearing from our favorite teen, talks of infidelity (not by Joel), reader has PCOS and has a hard time conceiving, Joel has some thoughts about Tommy, mentions of Sunflower having a miscarriage, Sunflower's backstory is mentioned briefly, Ellie's shitty puns makes its big debut

Summary: Ellie and Joel spend some time together at the market. Joel takes a chance. This story takes place one month after the events of pt.6.

A/N: I had originally intended to bring up Joel's knowledge of Tommy's feelings towards Sunflower in another way, but thought that it fit better with this story, especially now that we have Ellie to banter with. I missed these two, and love their eventual relationship. It is building into something bigger, and I am excited about the Christmas special that I've been planning since starting this series.

There is a slight bit of angst as Ellie talks to Joel about Sunflower's past, so if the loss of a child or mentions of miscarriage is triggering to you, please skip this chapter. Thank you for reading!

Reblog Banner by @saradika-graphics

"Why do you carve critters?"

Ellie swiped an otter from the table and settled into the foldable beach chair she'd taken from Sunflower's van. She admired the small carving, tapping its head with her finger before placing it back on the table. "It's cute, but it doesn't seem like something you would make." she teased.

"What do you think I would make?"

She blinks, deep in thought. "Fuck, I don't know. Bowls or cutting boards or some boring shit."

Joel sighed, turning his head back to face her. "It was Sarah's idea; she wanted to find ways to spend more time together. She was the one who encouraged me to sell these at the market." He smiles fondly at the wooden otter Ellie had picked up. "She was really excited about them."

"Does Sarah know how to carve critters too?"

A small smile formed on the corner of Joel's mouth. "She sure does; hell, the otter is one of hers."

"That's so fucking cool," Ellie exclaims, reaching for her backpack perched on the side of her chair. She rummages through its contents, extracting a set of wired earphones and connecting them to her phone. A well-worn copy of No Pun Intended Volume Too rests on her lap. "Hey, Joel? Mind if I hit you with a serious question?"

Joel frowns. "Sure."

Sporting her most earnest expression, Ellie leans in, resting her elbows on her knees. "What did the mermaid wear to math class?"

Joel winces, his head shaking in bewilderment. "Ellie-"

"An Algae bra!" she exclaims, her body wrought with her giggling. "Get it? an ALGAE bra?"

Joel shakes his head. "No. Oh please no."

"Oh come on!" Ellie whacks him with the book, "It was funny!"

"Feel free to share these puns with Tommy, I'm sure he'll love it!"

She scoffs, placing her earphones on as she leans on the beach chair. "Tommy is actually quite fond of my shitty puns, you know."

"I'm sure he is," Joel mutters to himself. He gazes into the distance, anticipating the presence of his brother, knowing exactly where he would be. Spotting the two of you laughing, Joel notices Tommy looking at you with a hint of longing, causing him to shudder and turn away. He can't shake the discomfort of knowing that Tommy has always had a soft spot for you, even though things with his new girlfriend Maria are going well.

Ellie looks at the two of you, a smirk forming on her face. "it's weird, right?"

Joel looks away, busying himself with rearranging his critters, smiling at the passerbyers. "Whats weird?"

"The fact that your brother is madly in love with Sunflower. Don't tell me you can't see it," she gives him a knowing look, her eyes narrowing as she looks back at the two of you. "He's quite the smooth talker."

"That he is."

"...but you have nothing to worry about, you know. She's absolutely crazy about you, old man." You observe them from your stall, exchanging a wink with Joel as you silently mouth "I love you." Joel reciprocates with a wink of his own.  

Ellie scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Yuck, you guys are gross."

It had been a few weeks since Anna's passing, and Ellie had made the move to Austin, settling into the guest room adjacent to Sarah's. "Make yourself at home," Joel had told her, unsure how to navigate the newness of having another kid in his space since Sarah moved into her own apartment closer to campus. Even if her presence was sudden, he had to admit that the inclusion of Ellie in both his and Sunflower's lives was interesting, to say the least. She was rough around the edges and curious, always wanting to tag along with Sunflower at the nursery and randomly popping into Joel's workshop from time to time. Joel was afraid to admit that he liked having her around, even if she had a penchant for shitty puns and riling him up about his age, not wasting a second to comment on his bad knees and calling him an old man. She was a little shit, but she was growing on him.  

It was undeniably daunting, having another kid around, pestering him just as much as Sarah did when she was Ellie's age, Joel reflects. He believed his life was complete, especially with you coming into his world. He never imagined a second chance at happiness beyond Tommy and Sarah, especially at his age. Yet, your presence and radiance were something he yearned for so deeply it was almost painful. Sometimes he contemplates if Ellie is also a part of his second lease on life, something he was destined to have, despite the sorrow that brought the three of you together.

"You know, I'm happy she has you," Ellie muses. "... even if it hurt that she left Seattle, I understand why she had to, no matter how much it pissed me off."

"She had her reasons," Joel agrees, sitting on his stool. "I'm sure it was enough to want a clean slate."

"Well, if being cheated on and having a miscarriage because of it wasn't bad enough..."

Joel stalls, his face in shock. "Wait, Ellie-"

Ellie's eyes widen, her hand covering her mouth, realizing she had indeed put her foot in her mouth. "Shit Joel- I thought you knew."

"Well, no. She didn't say anything."

"Shit," Ellie whispers. Letting out a sigh, she turns to Joel with a serious expression. "Well, yeah, it happened. She was married to him for a long time. High school sweethearts. She... had a hard time getting pregnant," she chews on her lip, "...was told that the probability of getting pregnant was next to impossible, given her condition-"

"Her condition?"

"She has PCOS. Doctors blame her weight, which is FUCKED, but Sunflower is just built like that, you know? She's really healthy! This baby was her rainbow, right? She did all the right things, ate rabbit food and worked on her mental health and stuff... and then she found out that fucker was banging her sister..."

"Ellie-"

"She would've been a good mom. A great one! She's always been there for me, no matter how much I was a shitty kid with an even shittier attitude," Ellie stands beside Joel, her gaze fixed on you in the distance. "... I think that's why Mom trusted her with me, even if I have an aunt... when she knew..." Ellie looks down at her feet, her voice laced with sadness. "...maybe she thought I could fill that void in her, you know? She's a good one, you have no idea, Joel."

"I know," Joel admits, sighing deeply. "Hell if I even deserve her-"

"You don't," Ellie smirks. "No one does. But she loves you, and I know you're such a fucking simp for her..."

"What the hell is a simp?!"

"Oh, don't be such an old man! Google exsists!"

"Hey!" Joel exclaims. "You know, you can tone it down with your sarcasm and language, girlie."

She laughs, sharing a smile with Joel as she nods towards someone in the distance. "Thank you, Joel. You know, for taking me in and letting me crash at your place. You didn't have to, and I know it's probably not easy, having someone you barely know in your space and another mouth to feed-"

"Ellie, stop." Joel cuts her off. "It was the right thing to do. Besides-" he picks up a block of wood and a chisel, handing it to Ellie. "... now I have someone to help me carve these fucking critters, now that Sarah isnt home as often-"

Ellie jumps off her seat in excitement. "Fuck, really Joel? you're gonna teach me how to carve?"

Joel smiles fondly as she takes the wood and chisel out of his hands. "Sure, why not? Do you have anything else to do?"

"Fuck no! Teach me how to carve, old man! I want to carve a turtle!"

As Joel and Ellie begin to carve, you laugh to yourself as you observe them in the distance, Tommy standing beside you. "Well, if you look at that. She fits right in, no?" he asks, tsking as he shakes his head.  

A small smile forms on your face.  

"Yes, yes she does."

[cvt2dvm]

Bag Tour 2024: Daily Bag Edition Feat. Hannibal Lector

All images have alt text descriptions with items listed, bag tour, and the reasons for each item below the cut

The Bag Itself:

This bag is a Coach Turnlock Tote bag in the pebbled leather color Blossom. This bag, the belt bag I now use as a bag organizer, and the wallet were all gifted to me in 2019 by a family member. The belt is too large for me at this point in life, so the pouch has been repurposed as a Toolkit of sorts. While it is a hair small fully packed, I enjoy the color of it and the balance of it as well as the functionality of the pockets it has.

The Straps:

My straps on this bag usually aren't this cluttered. However, Hannibal has been coming with me to work on a daily basis to get him used to the idea of traveling, and I needed a place to put his harness.

On my straps there is a malachite pendant necklace attached to the charm loop at the bottom of the right side of the outer strap, and my keys are also usually attached here with a carabiner unless I'm going somewhere that I'd want my keys a little bit more secured. I just like malachite. It looks cool. It's the right shades of green, and it's fairly easy to get ahold of.

I also have my stethoscope looped here if it's not around my neck or on my desk at home. I have a neonate size littman stethoscope since I primarily work in companion animal medicine, and I find that it focuses a bit better on my patients who are less than 15 pounds. I do have a regular litmann as well, but that one stays at the office. Most of my after-hours calls are on cats and small geriatric dogs who have standing orders for as needed injections of certain medications whose owners are either unwilling or unable to administer those medications.

Then, the big thing on the straps today is Hannibal's harness. Little dude is 17 weeks, and a whopping 7 lbs already. I could gush about him literally all day, though. His harness was only on the bag while he was allowed to have free roam over the back of the reception area and wrestle with Chewbacca (my terrier).

Turnlock Pocket:

This is where I keep my human med kit for myself, plus treats for my pets, or snacks for myself. Image 8 is the corresponding image.

Human Med Kit:

Glucometer: I have struggled with Non-diabetic hypoglycemia, POTS, and hemiplegic migraines for about 7 years now due to a moderate traumatic brain injury in my teens. So I tend to take 2-5 glucose readings per day. The rubber gloves in my glucometer bag aren't for me to use on me so much as they are to be ready if I need to assist someone in a first aid setting or administer narcan to someone.

Excedrine Migraine: A tried and true beloved OTC medication, both my terrier, Chewbacca, and my malinois, Phobos, are trained for migraine alert and POTS electrolyte imbalance alert work, although Chewbacca is retired at this point. At the first migraine alert from my dogs, I take one tablet of Excedrine and then wait an hour. If the migraine continues to worsen, I then take the second half of the regular dose. This is what works for me, and you should talk to your doctor about treatment options if you have migraines. Currently, I'm down to only 2-4 migraines a month and only experiencing breakthrough hemiplegic migraine symptoms about once every 3 months with this routine.

Narcan: I carry it everywhere. I was never an opioid addict. However, after my TBI, I did struggle with perscription amphetamine addiction, and as a result of having been through that, and having gotten clean, I've become a really big proponent of harm reduction and narcan access programs. There's a few charities I'm involved with that give away narcan locally, and I'd be happy to put anyone interested in carrying narcan some national resources. I also live fairly close to Philadelphia and have unfortunately had to utilize narcan to assist strangers in bars in the past from tainted supplies.

Menstrual cup: I have PCOS, so my cycle isn't super regular and I'd rather have it and not need it then need it and not have it.

Not Pictured: My supply of both instant iced coffee, instant electrolytes, and protein bars that I keep in my glove box, office desk, and at home. Both the caffiene (increases blood pressure) and the electrolytes (increases sodium and potassium) are important in managing my POTS symptoms. The protein bars are for when my glucose drops a bit too far.

Chicken Churu: This was Hannibal's treat for today, we worked on saying hello to strangers and walking nicely on a leash.

Tech:

Corresponding Photos: 2, 3, 6, 7, 8, & 9

Samsung Galaxybook Go: This is my laptop for work and personal use, it has an LTE data chip so I can use it on the go without sucking up my Hotspot data, and it's got fantastic battery life. I bought this refurbished off of Amazon at the beginning of the year. It also charges with a USB-C cable which is super convenient since the rest of my tech with the exception of my smart watch also utilizes USB-C charging so I can just pack a fast charge block and 2 USB-C cables rather than lug around 5 different chargers.

Samsung Galaxytab S6 Lite: It was on special at costco and has an S-Pen which is great as someone who's memory for reading/typing isn't nearly as effective as my memory for things I've written down. I mostly use this for notes on patients and my studies.

Samsung Galaxy23 Ultra: It has a stylus and is of a similar design, feel, and functionality to my Note9 I just replaced last fall.

Samsung Galaxy Buds2 Pro: The active noise cancelling is fantastic for working in busy coffee shops on Mondays, and the Ambient sound is great for getting a Podcast in during charting or longer monitoring stints.

Samsung Galaxy Watch5: LTE enabled watch helps when I'm away from my phone during the day, it allows me to still get calls, texts, notifications, and keep track of active time and calories burned.

Charging Bundle: One 8" USB-C -> USB-C cord for charging my tablet, phone, or earbuds off of my laptop, one 4' USB-C -> USB-C cord to charge my laptop or other devices if my laptop is sufficently charged, a USB-A -> hard drive cord for my 1TB portable drive, and a USB-A Smart watch charging cord.

Data storage: 8GB flash drive that is mostly used for ultrasound capture transfers and X-Ray Diacom transfers, although occasionally it also gets used for in-house lab data transfers when the WiFi link is acting up. 1 TB portable hard drive, this contains textbook PDFs, a large music library, archived notes, and lesser used reference tables and software. It also has copies of my more important documents.

Vlogging/Content Creation Supplies: Light bar, microphone, mini tripod, comfort grip, and microphone stand. Basically just stuff to enhance recording quality for tiktoks, reels, and YouTube videos (coming soon).

Books & Stationery:

Pocket Edition Book of Common Prayer: No, I am not carrying a Bible around, I have an app for that. This is a Book of Common Prayer (1979 edition) for The Episcopal Church. While I'm laity, I do still try and take time for Morning Prayer/Matin, Noonday Prayer/Diurnum, Evening Prayer/Evensong, and End of Day Prayer/Compline. These are quiet moments for me to break away from the stressors of the day. I also utilize 2 additional devotionals for quiet time upon rising and before bed that supplement my regular journaling, however these stay on my bedside table with my primary journal.

Martha Stewart For Staples Discbound Junior Notebook, this is my planner, quick notebook, and lazy journal, I basically dump my brain out right here throughout the day.

Paper clips: From marking off the current month and week in my planner to organizing papers from drug reps, to getting a client printed copies of their records, there's lots of paperclip usage.

Correction tape: I don't often use pencils and sometimes my brain goes faster than my hand and mistakes happen.

Erasers and pencil leads: If I'm out and about I don't want to lose my ability to sketch and use pencils if they're needed

Pens: Pink, Red, and Black ink, my standard for personal notes is Pink ink, while business notes are done in black, the red is for corrections on both

Pencil: it's the same grip as my favorite pens that I can write for hours with, super beneficial for long study sessions.

S Note App: My longer rough notes and revised notes are done in SNote with a SPen/stylus and handwritten out. I also tend to keep spare nibs on hand, however I am currently out of spare nibs.

Sticky notes/flags: great for passing off notes to coworkers, flagging charts, or marking messages.

Snack Attack:

Travel Cutlery set with a fork, spoon, and knife so that I don't have to get utensils when I grab breakfast or lunch at Wawa or the local BBQ joint

Travel straw: Save the turtles while still enjoying my Starbucks

Bandana/neckerchief: No single use napkins here

Coozie: Perfect for NA Seltzers, Sodas, or a beer at the bar after work. Plus it holds all my other eating supplies.

Beauty/Hygiene:

Hand lotion: washing hands between every patient can leave my hands feeling pretty gnarly, so I always pack lotion

Perfume: Anal Glands happen, and sometimes you just... need to freshen up a bit.

Dry Shampoo: my hair always looks super greasy after taking my scrub cap off after surgeries, this buys me enough time to get through my shift

Hand sanitizer: ideal for housecall visits or visits to elder care facilities where you may not be able to properly wash your hands between patients.

Lip gloss: I'm not a huge fan of lip balms and the waxy feeling they leave on my lips vs the glide of a lipgloss or oil.

Sewing kit: Because if your shirt rips in vet med, it's probably going to be in a place you really don't want it to rip

Manicure kit: wrestling with animals can cause nail breakage and hang nails, and I'd rather not have to chew one off. It also has tweezers that come in handy for splinters or thorns picked up from animal coats.

Blotting sponge: again, I tend to start looking greasy after surgery because I sweat. And I'd rather be able to take care of it quickly and discreetly

Condoms: These don't need to be in my work bag, but they're in the tool kit along with my most basic essentials because the Toolkit is in every bag I use, including bags I use when I go out for girls night or linedancing. Also another have and not need vs need and not have item.

Hair tie, bobby pins, barette: just little extra bits and bobs as needed for hair issues, sometimes the dry shampoo isn't enough and the only solution is to throw my hair up into a slicked back ponytail instead of having it down.

Cooling wet wipe: again, surgical sweating

Other Essentials:

Wallet: Obvious Reasons

Nicotine Pouches: I've quit vaping but I haven't quite kicked the habit entirely yet

Unpictured: Glock 43. I uber and doordash after work, I also deliver controlled substances for patients in some not-so-great areas being ravaged by the opioid epidemic. I'm also a 5'5" disabled female who lives alone and has had a stalker. Sorry not sorry, it's insured, I'm licensed, and I take courses for it routinely.

If you have any questions, comments, or thoughts, feel free to DM me, comment here, comment in the tags, or reblog. Also, I'm aware this is Tumblr and that the Jesus stuff can be frightening to see, just want to make note that I do fall somewhere between a pluralist and a universalist. As long as you aren't using your religious views to oppress, marginalize, or harm people, we're good as far as I'm concerned.

[bogkeep]

personal body and gender stuff under readmore

so i consider myself intersex. that is because i have naturally heightened testosterone levels that makes my experience of my body deviant from like, The Normarive Expectation of AFAB bodies. i have an excess of body hair including facial hair, my fat distribution is kinda masc, and i just never got my period - at least not as a teen, it's Complicated and TMI. among other things. i think all of these things are great and nice and according to jkr im not a wombmyn so that's affirming. it's basically as if i've been micro-microdosing on T for years already. my experience has been instrumental in how i understand the spectrum of sex and gender and how it's all a big soup.

obviously a lot of people in my life found these things about my body very concerning and made me get lots of blood tests and stuff, and i got ultimately diagnosed with PCOS, which is the closest Explanation. BUT HERE'S THE THING. all of my 'symptoms' are related to having extra testosterone, and are just nice chill things about my body that i like. it is not disabling to me. i do not have horrible cramps or diabetes or osteoporosis, things that a lot of people with PCOS genuinely struggle with. i don't know if i've got the cysts at all (it wasn't possible to check for them at the time). i DO have a silly little moustache i gotta shave sometimes.

to get the diagnosis for for polycystic ovarian syndrome you have to tick at least two out of three boxes:

- you have cysts in your ovaries. hence polycistic ovarian syndrome.

- you have extra testosterone

- you experience effects of extra testosterone

so it's ALMOST AS IF. i just have a natural variation in hormone levels. because that's just diversity of humans baybee. im literally just chilling but they had to diagnose me with Too Much Body Hair Syndrome. ISN'T THE LOGIC A LITTLE CIRCULAR YOU THINK.

anyway i didn't realise All Of This until discussing it with a friend and i've been feeling like a chasm opened up underneath my feet ever since like wait hold on a minute.

another thought i don't know how to rotate is that when i finally start HRT (i contacted the gender clinic recently bc it's been half a year. my friend told me maybe they've forgotten abt me because they do that. they immediately replied that they've been sooooo busyyyyy waiting times are sooo looong anyway next appointment is in october. bastards really did forget about me. im gonna throw bricks) - my intersexity will melt into the transition. i will no longer be homegrown organic intersex but certified freak of nature on purpose. and it's like - the wall between being a trans person who transitions and being intersex is so thin. transitioning makes you intersex. you traverse that space in biology. i understand the separation of identity, difference in experiences, but at the same time... we are the same in this.

also. even though i've never dared to consider myself an intersex activist in any way, or even a Real Intersex because all i've got is my piddly little hormone levels and i KNOW i'm doing myself a disservice thinking like that - i will still mourn that aspect of my identity. it's not going anywhere, just... you know? my weird body has carried me so far with its weirdness and i'm choosing to subsume it.

[irishtransbear]

hey there, cis dude here, been dreaming with having a hairy chest like yours since my teen years but genetics didn't help, if you don't mind, could you talk a little abt how did you grow your forest? would appreciate a lot any tips or suggestions thanks

I'm sorry to say that I'm just from a long line of very hairy people.

I also had PCOS as a teen which caused a hormonal imbalance during puberty and meant I was hairier than all the other girls too.

So unfortunately no tips or tricks, I just had to wait and let the T do its thing.

If you've not tried minoxidil yet I'd start there, I've seen a couple guys swear by it.

Best of luck anon dude x

[intersex-support]

Another PCOS question-- I'm sorry if it's repetitive, I've noticed you've been getting a lot of those after scrolling your blog a bit.

I'm 18, AFAB, and 99% sure I have PCOS. My periods have been irregular since my early teens and I've struggled with weight gain since I was... well, since I can remember. I also started growing facial hair under my chin and on my neck-- bad enough that I did have to get a heavy duty electrical razor to shave it. My body hair has also always been quite thick in normal other places (also my hair is prematurely greying but I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with it).

Other than that, though, things like fat distribution and voice are pretty standard for an afab person, and I am not sure if my mother having the same hair growth patterns as me counts towards a possible genetic component or if that's just something that comes with that family.

My father (after reading one article -- adding for context, he's no doctor or anything) said I probably just had the type caused by insulin resistance, due to struggling with weight since I was a kid as I don't move as much as I should or eat properly, and my size was caused by that.

I don't know if I'm looking too deep into my PCOS due to dysphoria caused by my nonbinary identity, or if I am actually on to something, basically.

Check out this post about PCOS. I also want to add that your dad is misinformed about PCOS-insulin resistance isn't a separate type of PCOS that's different than hyperandrogenism, it's part of the metabolic effects that can sometimes happen as a result of the hyperandrogenism.

💜-Mod E

[my-gender-is-void]

Long rant incoming.

So, the other day I was in the shower and my mother, because there's absolutely no fucking privacy whatsoever in my house (I'm 22) , just comes into the bathroom and starts talking about whatever new piece of biased info she's got her hands on. And I'm washing myself fast because I have to get ready to leave by 15 minutes and she looks at me and sees my armpit hair (I have naturally high levels of testosterone and I haven't shaved for 3 months) and she starts telling me, scandalised, that I have to shave right that moment, she basically gets my shaving razor out and tells me she's not letting me out of the bathroom until I've shaved (I'm 22) and so, because I'm in a hurry and don't have time to get in an argument with her, I shave my armpits, clogging the razor and all.

Now, that armpit hair was a main reason of gender euphoria for me, I had been extremely dysphoric for the previous 2 weeks and I almost broke down crying.

Secondly, as I've mentioned I have hight testosterone levels (which I'm still not sure it's PCOS because I never doy a formal diagnosis and I don't meet half the criteria) and thus since puberty I've swet and smelt like a teen boy, now that was a big problem because by shaving my armpits regularly nothing caught the sweat and that cause spots in the armpits of the t-shirts and made me smell more (I also have a condition I don't know how to translate to English where I sweat more than usual and under circumstances that one normally wouldn't sweat in, and thus my armpit when shaven is like a faucet) but since I actually accepted I was trans and stopped shaving during cold weather (because someone forgive my mother let's me be unshaven during summer) I realised it solved both the sweat running down my torso from my armpit constantly problem and the I have to apply deodorant 3 times a day problem. But my mother insists it's the other way around and you can't even imagine how gross I've been feeling since I shaved my armpits this Tuesday. Normally I could wear my dysphoria hoodie for up to 3 weeks (I shower every day except for Saturdays) but it's been a week and I've been having to wash my armpits various times a day to avoid it smelling like sweat, my pijama shirt would last me 3 weeks as well and now it's been 6 days and it's already in the hamper because it smells like sweat.

It's fucking exhausting.

[lankira]

I've had multiple doctors tell me I have PCOS without imaging. Because fat+ irregular periods = PCOS apparently.

I've had irregular periods that are so painful I have missed school and work for them since I was nine years old. I have been fat since I was a teen.

My current gyno has done the imaging, which looks like I don't have PCOS. I'm 36. That's over 20 years of being misdiagnosed. In addition, she's informed me that there could be a number of other issues causing this, and the list is as long as my arm.

I'm just pissed and baffled that in the last 20+ years, literally none of my doctors have thought "maybe the fact that the periods are as bad or worse when they're on birth control is a sign this isn't PCOS." Because [checks notes] I'm fat.

it’s also fucked up that fat people literally fear going to the doctor for anything because they know the first thing out of their dr’s mouth no matter what their ailment is, is gonna be “lose weight lol” broken leg? lose weight. rash? lose weight. whooping cough? lose weight binch!!!!! like we get it. but can you just write my prescription you bitch so i can go eat a salad and not call you again until im about to die of the plague????

[genderqueerdykes]

Hey I was just wondering as a person with hyperandrogenism, could you elaborate more about people who take T to help with it? I want to transition at some point and I've been looking everywhere for information on what going on T would be like for somebody with PCOS.

*CLAPS* you came to the right blog and i'm SO GLAD I CAN HELP SOMEONE ELSE WITH THIS!!!!!

i was diagnosed with hyperandrogenism and PCOS at the age of 15 because i was having such heavy menstrual periods that i literally had to stay home from school because i had to change my pad every 45 minutes or so. they forced me on to hormonal birth control instead of presenting me with the option of testosterone hormone replacement therapy and to this day, i am angry at those doctors for not realizing they could've given me the choice, because they could've spared me from a lot of misery in my teen years.

i had been naturally growing a full beard with no outside help since i started puberty, and it was a nightmare for everyone BUT me because everyone else found it threatening. my mother made me put Nair on my face (that chemical stuff you use to burn the hair off your legs- no, you're not supposed to put it on your face and they did Not make the kind for your face back then.) to get rid of it because it freaked her out so bad, quote, "everyone will make fun of you and you'll get called a dyke and butch and a lezzie and a man and it'll be embarrassing, and then they'll think I'm all of those things, too." Mental gymnastics olympic gold winner, My Mom, everyone.

i wanted to just keep my facial hair, but my mother was obsessed with keeping me a Presentable Girl while everyone else in my school, once they saw the beard, went. oh, it's a guy. and interpreted me in the polar opposite direction. they started relentlessly telling me things like "you're not a girl" "you can't be a girl" "it doesn't matter if you carry a purse or wear makeup you're not a real girl" because they saw my life from the outside and were now under the impression that i was "a guy trying to be a girl," while my mom was trying to prevent me from being "a girl who everyone thinks is a guy".

needless to say, this caused a lot of frustration and confusion in me, because i just wanted to go with what my body was doing, and i found that i was naturally very masculine and butch and let me tell you, starting testosterone was incredible. it was like i picked up from where puberty left off! i finally felt myself evolving into who i was meant to be, i swear, because it felt like i was a half complete person until i started taking T.

my voice dropped very quickly, i was getting voice cracks and croaky tones very early on, within the first 3 months or so. my facial hair took a while for it to stop being patchy, while i was growing a full beard, my mustache was very thin, and there was some hair that didn't grow in small patches, probably due to the years of aggressive chemicals damaging my face. i started growing very thick, bushy, noticeable chest hair very quickly as well, as well as thickened and darkened arm, back and belly hair.

i was a greaseball for a while and that was somewhat unpleasant- i think for about a month after i started i was extremely greasy, i noticed this because i had already been working out at the gym beforehand and i was suddenly. very. sweaty and slimy all of a sudden. honestly it gave me euphoria when i realized it though because i went "oh my god... the T is working!!!" it's the little things that give you Masculine Joy

my face got very sharp and angular very quickly, my cheekbones became way more noticeable and my jaw became a lot more streamline and sharp. i used to have a somewhat round face but now i have barely any fat on my face at all. after a long time on T, my mustache finally grows in fully! though it's still kinda hard to see, but it finally isn't just in the corners of my lips <3

i did have a period of a few months in the beginning where i was very emotional, i wouldn't say i was simply JUST angry. i was more passionate than normal, and it was easy for me to laugh or cry really hard, or sometimes be more irritable than normal due to being more sensitive in general.

Bottom growth happened very quickly and intensely, ive been told by several transmasc partners that i'm one of the biggest they've been with, so i would say you're likely to get fairly substantial bottom growth if you have PCOS or hyperandrogenism. =) it seems that area really takes to the extra testosterone and goes nuts with it! be warned, it will be extremely extremely sensitive to touch while bottom growth is occurring, like even seams in your pants can be uncomfortable, so go easy on yourself. i have never dealt with vaginal dryness or atrophy, btw, so i can't comment on anything like that.

hope that gave you a picture of what it was like for me, personally =) every person w/ PCOS and hyperandrogenism is different, but i'm really glad i could help provide a resource that is difficult to find! for many of us, those of us who have naturally high testosterone love and WANT what it does to our body, and we should be able to get to control how much T goes on in our body- that includes getting the option to increase it.

[saccharinesweetgirl]

abt me

TW! ED. this blog is for me and my ED venting. it's mainly for myself. please leave and/or block if this content makes you uncomfortable - the last thing i want is for this blog to affect someone in any negative way! 🩷

i have had an eating disorder off and on since i was a teen - first heavily at 15-16, then at 22 and again now at 24.

i am pro-recovery and i don't discriminate against any body types at all - this is purely for me and finally becoming comfortable with moving around with my body which i don't when i'm heavier and the ONLY thing that works for me (i've tried it all + i have PCOS) is starving/skipping meals/not eating & refraining from going to the gym since it makes me bulkier and makes me gain weight since i gain muscle very easily.

i don't want to be below 17 BMI skinny personally, just slightly underweight since i feel that looks best on me and my own body!

i've always felt best in my body when being fit&skinny, everything becomes easier: sex & intimate relationships, trying on and buying and wearing clothes on a body you finally love and can show instead of hide... a lot depends on losing weight so i can move on around in my life without feeling shy and uncomfortable

never been overweight but i've come close - it doesn't look or feel good on me (i get the opposite of curvy - i become very blocky and tree-trunk-y) and i feel very uncomfortable in every single way all the time

i don't have an addictive personality which makes this harder AND easier for me since i legitimately can choose to stop any time - my ED isn't instinctive, it's a choice i have to consciously make every day without my own help.

other than feeling and looking better when losing weight i love not eating for a lot of reasons. it's beautiful to me

i only do walking, dancing, stretching, as well as running when it's not winter and sometimes i bike places outside. i love the gym very much but it makes me gain weight in muscle fast so now i only stick to light cardio.

i use a fasting app and a pink fitbit!

i keep track of what i eat and calorie-containing drinks in a journal

supplements: women's multi, vitamin D3, magnesium, omega 3, vitamin B-complex and C, iron

when i DO eat it's usually still nutritious: vegetables, fruit, a nut or two, lentils and beans, chicken, fish, eggs, protein bars - but very small portions only once a day and just a few bites. i eat at least one small thing per day, whether ut be a nut, fruit, veg, protein bar etc. to keep metabolism going. some days i have full meals, usually once a week or whenever i'm with people.

my only vices are sugar free energy drinks, diet coke and pills - i don't smoke and i don't drink!

i don't have any safe foods or snacks since i love the taste of most foods and they can all be trigger for me to overindulge. if i have one rice cake it's very possible for me to eat the whole pack so i try to avoid everything that isn't absolutely necessary for nutrition.

i am on wellbutrin & effexor

i DON'T like or believe in bulimia, binging or purging for myself, i just starve/don't eat ! i also don't believe in meanspo, i instead believe in hope, discipline, strength, piety, determination and resilience

i love food but only in certain circumstances. i used to like it a lot more which made this more difficult for me but nowadays i mostly see food as nutrition and survival tools.

i do NOT like looking at food or pictures of food and i have most food related tags blocked, i find it nice to ignore and forget about food as a concept wholeheartedly when i restrict ! :)

i will post daily food journals here! ⭐️ means i managed to get below 1000 kcal that day!

thanks for reading! 🩷

[what-if-nct]

Genuinely missed where it says you fainted! Oh no!

Despite the pain and bruising I'm glad you're ok and hope that's there's good answers at your appointment for it. Do you think it has anything to do with hypoglycemia or have you had low blood pressure issues in the past? Also, glad there isn't an emphasis on weight management with this doctor. Genetically, some people are designed to carry more weight/muscle or have a larger frame (I'm going to say it's cause we're supposed to be Amazon warriors but what do I know?) And to the ones that have brought up surgery before: BOOO. BOOO. THROWING TOMATOES! There can be so many more risks to the actual surgery than just continuing on and trying other non-operative management plans!

I feel you though. I've been battling vertigo and general dizziness since I was a teen and I'm chalking it up to PCOS and the subsequent hormonal and insulin related issues. (But this ain't about me, whoops!)

Please take it easy today and tomorrow and keep being sweet 💗

From what I remember from the paramedics and my doctor said it could be hypoglycemia. Last time she told me to eat more esp before bed. But she wants to do more tests the next visit. But I'll see next visit. And yeah cutting a vital organ just to lose weight just doesn't sit well with me. It creates so many more problems. I'm sorry you've had to deal with it so long. I hope it gets better for you. And I'm trying take it easy, I actually have to because however I fell it made my hips hurt so much it's hard to walk. I also just found so many bruises on my arm today. I have no idea how.

[cannabiscomrade]

is there any data on the correlation of how many people with PCOS also have bowel disorders? i ask because i've been diagnosed with PCOS since i was a teen, but i'm now trying to get a diagnosis for whatever is wrong with my bowels. (IBS mixed or Crohn's are what symptoms are pointing to.) i know that you've been through the diagnosis process, so i was wondering if you had any advice? (i've lost 20 pounds because of it, which is startling to me because my PCOS kept the same weight for 5 years.)

So theres a ton of anecdotal evidence linking PCOS and IBS and other bowel disorders, and it seems there’s some scientific evidence to back it up, linking the increase in overall LH and FSH to IBS symptoms.

It’s connected to irritable bowel diseases as well like Crohns, Celiac and other ~fun~ things, potentially because of its correlation with inflammation. Similarly to why it’s connected to Hashimoto’s, which is an autoimmune disease.

The diagnosis process sucks, but I definitely recommend you look into it. You should try to get a referral to a gastroenterologist, and they’ll do an interview of your symptoms. They’ll probably schedule a stool collection, potentially an endo/colonoscopy to look for polyps, signs of Crohns or Celiac, and fun stuff like that. Probably do some bloodwork too. If they don’t find evidence of a problem, you’d get diagnosed with IBS. Sometimes, they’ll throw that diagnosis at you without the differential diagnosis and investigation though, and I personally think IBS is over diagnosed or at least not researched enough.

Because you’re losing weight, I think that indicates something more like Crohns, but IBS-D can also cause some extreme weight loss. You can also have them comorbidly. I am not sure about it being connected to cyclic vomiting syndrome, which I also have, because that’s more often diagnosed in children and resolves as an adult, so there’s not as much evidence on it.

I’m still in the process of getting a diagnosis, because I think I lean more towards Crohns too. The pandemic kinda fucked that up.

[tmitransitioning]

Question about acne on T -- is this a "you'll likely have acne for the rest of your life" type thing, or "you'll likely have acne for a few years and then it will go away?" honestly I've had pretty bad acne since I was in middle school so if it never went away I feel like I'd be able to deal with that, but it'd be comforting to know that it wouldn't be permanent (honestly not having to deal with acne sounds like a dream come true bc I've had it for like 12+ years due to PCOS)

our resources show that the most significant acne is usually during the first 1 to 2 years, and generally gets much better after that time frame.  most people can expect that (a big increase than a big decrease during the first two years). 

Personally, i’m 7 years on T and i still deal with it some, but i was a bad acne type kid, teen and adult before transition, only starting to clear in my late 20s, so i’m not to distressed about it.  

Using the combination of medications and lifestyle adjustments we’ve talked about at length in our acne tag, you can generally get things under control for all but the most severe cases.  

mod mayhem

[the-orangeauthor]

I never had this, but it wasnt too much of a problem since my mum was very open with me (especially for an asian woman) with things like periods, puberty etc and she let me do the SRE days in school and will openly talk to me about female healthcare issues (PCOS runs in our family). But its nice to have someone on a more friendly level to talk to about some things, its just different. So I did my best to become that person.

One of my cousins is just a year younger than mez and while her mother isnt too conservative she just didnt have enough knowledge and education to pass on to her daughter. My other cousin is 5 years younger than me and I have bestowed all my older sister knowledge on her too. And they are so much better for it.

I became a go to mother in my all girls secondary school that had many asian and black girls whos parents fidnt talk about periods or didnt let them do SRE when they were younger. I had bountiful knowledge and spare pads that saved life and grace of young teens.

I learnt everything. I dealt with everything. I became The Mother and I shared The Knowledge. I encourage you to find someone who will do that, or, if you are past that stage, become that person. Young girls need you, believe me they do.

🧡🧡 If you need me to, I will be your person for you, your friends, anyone. I've pretty much seen it all and I care. Stay safe little ladies🧡🧡

i cannot stress this enough, young ladies. 

find a slightly older female friend. like… two to ten years older than you. they will save your life, they will teach you so much, they will give you such great life lessons. they are so vital and helpful and important. 

[chemical-cat]

Just an update on me as a person...

So over the last few days I've been very quiet not only here, but on other platforms as well, especially on my tiktok.

Overall, I've just been trying to work on myself as a person. In the last 3-4 years, I've slipped into a rut, in which some of the behaviors I personally do are not healthy not only to myself but to my partner as well. Now they aren't anything abusive or anything like that, but to me personally they just aren't healthy and I wanted to work on myself.

Over the last year, I've been out of work mainly because I've been having significant health issues which have ultimately impacted my life to the point where I can't work a regular job because within the first 90 days, I'm running the risk of being fired because I'm having to either call in because I'm sick or if I try and push through, my previous jobs would send me home but still tie on a "strike" because I was a liability. (Even in some of these jobs where I worked a year or more, I would be on management's shitlist because of that despite me trying to push through as much as possible.) I've been dealing with these particular health issues for almost 5-6 years now, and while I have been actively seeking medical care for it, I've become so exhausted and tired. I'm tired of the countless tests, the pokes and prads, that result in absolutely no answers and sky high medical bills. I'm tired of countlessly being brushed off as a hypochondriac when I have people in my life, friends/family/partners there with me looking my doctors in the face and telling them they witnessed what I'm saying and that it's true.

I've had so many doctors look at me and tell me so many things that have broken me over the years, I've always been a very petite individual to the point I was labeled as a failure to thrive when I was 9 because I was failing to put on weight the way I should and to grow, I had stalled overall from growing. I have never had an eating disorder, and I will openly state that, if I did I would be honest about it because I fully understand that if I did I could get help and honestly if I did, then I would finally have an answer to my health problems. But I don't, I have always been able to out eat my younger brothers and family. However despite this, despite being with a family practioner who has watched my weight bounce around like a yo yo, and who knows I personally follow their advice for my diet and have tried multiple different changes to my diet just to try and maintain a solid weight, I have experienced my whole life being brushed off because of my size and that I must simply have an eating disorder that I'm to ashamed to admit. However, as I've pointed out several times to various doctors these crucial points if I did:

If I was anorexic, then not only after 5 years would it show but there would be other significant issues (not to mention I'm only putting this is into the 5 years where I have been experiencing health issues not the whole timeline of my life)

If I was bulimic, then I would be having issues with my throat being burned from throwing up constantly, as well as there would potentially be damage to the flap that covers your lungs from food/your stomach from getting air in it and it wouldn't work properly. Not to mention that throwing up has ALWAYS given me panic attacks and anxiety ever since I was a child, now as an adult who has ptsd for me personally, when I throw up I go into a panic attack, which more often then not during the panic attack ends up triggering my ptsd and I end up having flashbacks despite throwing up and the ptsd being unrelated. So personally I don't like throwing up, and I try my hardest not to.

Despite this, over the last year I've had so many negative experiences that it is beyond frustrating. Perfect example being that I went into the ER one night because I was throwing up so badly that I couldn't even hold water down, I was terrified. I couldn't even drive myself, I had to have my mother drive me to the ER at 3-4 am. When we got there, the doctor was completely dismissive and rude from the beginning, insisting that I was pregnant (just from looking at me when he entered the room), when I said there was no way I was pregnant, he got irritated and asked how I would possibly know if I wasn't pregnant (not like it's my own body, god forbid if I know whether or not there was a chance I was pregnant that I would or wouldn't know), when I replied that not only had I had my period every month like clockwork (and that alone isn't usual for me as I have pcos), but that I was currently on my period, as well as the biggest factor being that the last time I had sex was over 7 months ago so I think I'd know if I was 7 months pregnant, he dismissed me and insisted on doing a pregnancy test because he was sure I was pregnant. Which I did with no complaints just to show him that I knew what I was talking about, when the test came back negative, he entered the room and then insisted I had an eating disorder simply based off the fact that I was petite, and when I got reasonably upset at this and told him he was wrong, he once again said how would I possibly know. By this point my mom piped up, and defended me insisting I don't have an eating disorder, and that I out eat my younger brothers (one who is an adult and the other two who are teens), to which he replied with "in all due respect ma'am, how do you know she's not throwing it up later? You may see her eat in front of you, and then she goes and throws it up later, and she's just doing this for attention?" (Yes. He openly stated that I was in the ER at 4 in the morning, when I had to work that morning because I was 'doing it for attention') by this point I was irritated, stressed (because among a string of irrational phobias, I've always had a phobia since I was a child of doctors of any kind and hospitals, so being in a hospital is extremely stressful and scary to me.) I snapped, I was just so done with him as a doctor and wanted to go home, and I told him "because we live in a 115 year old house, and I can hear my parents fucking from one end of the house all the way on the other, so I'm pretty sure they would know if I was throwing up. Now are you actually going to help or can I just fucking go home?" To which he got huffy, and stated I had a stomach bug and released me. In the last 5 years, I've experienced many doctors like this and it is so beyond exhausting. I wish I was making up my symptoms, I wish I was being a hypochondriac because then I would have an answer, and I would honestly know it's all in my head.

Over the 3 years, I've experienced so much depression over this that I've lost a lot of joy in the things I once loved. Simply because as much as I wish it was in my head, I know it's not and the others around me have insisted that it's not either. Yet despite countless tests, there's still no answers, I'm left scared, anxious, and with no answers. At this point I don't even want a solution, I don't care about a way to fix whatever is wrong, I just want to know what's wrong.

My memory has faded to the point where I'm lucky if I can remember a conversation I had with someone 5 minutes ago. I have pass out spells where I'll faint randomly, sometimes I'm lucky and I'll get what I call 'warnings' where I'll get tunnel vision and I know I have less then 10 seconds to get down to the ground to limit possible injury to myself because either way I'm going down. The pass out spells happen whether I'm standing, walking, sitting, laying down, it doesn't matter. I get migraines so badly that it feels like someone is taking a spoon and trying to carve out the cavity where my eyeball as well as I get this hollow type sensation in my head as well. I have what I call 'eye twitches', where my pupils vibrate so fast I can't see for a minute or two, it comes on fast with no seeming cause as to why and it fades as fast as it comes on. (I have been checked multiple times by the eye doctor and it's been determined that there is no cause for this from the eye itself, and that nothing in the eye could be causing it, that other than an astigmatism my eyes are both healthy, I have been working with a neurologist and a cardiologist to get to the bottom of this). Off the top of my head, that's the major ones I can think of, I've been checked for low blood sugar, I've been checked for heart issues, I've done so many tests that I'm exhausted. This isn't a way to live, but yet I have to live in this body, in pain and scared and there are no answers.

As of now, I'm waiting on another test while fighting to get my insurance to actually pay for my medical bills (so far they're refusing and I have almost 10 grand in medical bills, for some of these tests it was verified with insurance before admistering them that they would be covered by insurance because they're expensive tests, insurance agreed it was covered and now refuses to cover anything). It's frustrating, and beyond stressful because it seems like I'm just watching the number climb, because of this I have been unable to get in for the next test I need. While I have been waiting, I've been trying to just make it day by day, I've been trying to be happy.

Because I'm tired of doctors looking at me and dismissing me based off the way my body looks, I've been desperately trying to put on more weight. Which I'm honestly happy about putting on weight because, I do have body dysmorphia and I can't stand the way I look I feel like I'm a walking skeletor, even though my friends/family/and my partner all insist I don't look like a skeletor but that I just look petite, I know it's just my own inability to see my body the way it is. So I've worked on not spending as much time in the mirror, when I do to check how an outfit looks or brush my hair that if I start saying negative things I start pointing out positive things instead, like:

A few days ago I wore a top, with a smokey type print, because this top had more print on one side over the other my first thought was how it looked like I had one boob massively bigger than the other (despite wearing a sports bra where even if that was the case it wouldn't even be that obvious, and it's natural to have one breast bigger than the other), and I pushed that thought to the side pointing out to myself that it was the way the print looked and that even if I did so what? It's natural and no one would really notice that.

I noticed I was starting to put on more weight, and started to get a little more of a tummy while wearing my favorite pair of sweatpants, initially thinking that I'd be unattractive with a 'muffin top', however I pointed out that it's ok to have a tummy, that it's natural and that having even a little bit of a muffin top is ok because I look healthier.

I've been desperately trying to work on the way my body dysmorphia shapes my reality, I know I will never get rid of it and that's ok, but I want to let myself even just some of the time find positive things about myself. During all of this, I've been tracking my diet, in doing so I have implemented a possible weird solution but it's working and that's what matters, I noticed when people diet they try to keep track of calories, and it can help them lose weight. On my phone, it has a health section, and based off my height and weight it has a section where you can monitor your diet (making sure you taking in enough protein, vitamins, veggies, if your taking in to much sodium/sugar, etc. As well as calories), based off my height and current weight, it automatically calculated a daily calorie intake to help me maintain that weight, I figured if I upped it and tried to hit at minimum that calorie intake then I may be able to gain some extra weight. (It was automatically calculated to have a daily calorie intake of 1,300 calories, so I upped it to 2,000 although if I go above that I'm not upset with myself I'm more proud than anything), as well as I'm working on taking in more protein, dairy, carbs (all three were recommended to me by my doctor to have more of these to try to maintain weight and possibly even gain weight), I've tried to scale down on how much caffeine and sugar I'm taking in as well, because I've noticed I have a fairly large sodium diet and I don't want to become dehydrated (because I also don't want dehydration headaches), so I've been trying to upscale in my water intake as well and trying to force myself to drink water versus more caffeine or soda/pop/sugary drinks. (Although, the sugar cravings definitely suck).

I've gotten a agenda/planner to help better keep track of appointments as well as just trying to set a daily schedule for myself as well (like I did back in school, especially with my memory issues so I didn't forget anything), in scheduling things I've been trying to schedule in time during every week to have a "weekend/relaxation time" where I don't do any type of work if I don't want to, a few days to just mentally de-escalate.

In terms of actual work, I've been working on making my own etsy store and products for it, reviewing other products from other businesses/tarot decks, doing tarot readings for clients both on livestreams and privately, as well as general work around the house.

In terms of my online work besides working on my shop and products for it, and doing reviews, and working with clientele in terms of tarot readings, I've also been slowly working on doing research for book reviews for witchy books. Some may see it as not legitimate work, but it's work to me, I'm trying to create an income in something that not only makes me happy but something I strongly believe in as well, but it's slow going.

Now this is just a disclaimer, I am not asking for advice, money, or opinions on my current situation or medical status. I am actively working with a medical team to best get to results as fast as they are able too, I do not want any form of donation to deal with medical debt. This was honestly just a place for me to vent away from my main profile on other platforms where people may have gotten the wrong idea and thought I was asking for money or tried to give me money, I honestly just wanted a place to vent and that's all this post is. It is a place to vent, and it's a moment in time that I can look back on in the future and see where all my progress started while I continue working on myself as a person.